WHERE IS ANNE OF THE HOUSE?

I'm sure many of you readers, fans of the writing and art work of Anne of the House, have been wondering where she has been for the last month or so. Well, she WASN'T in rehab! She has a whole new art jones going on. Anne decided to become proficient in oil painting! She's been reading about it and trying to learn everything she can about it for about a month. Then last week she bought an easel and some canvases and started applying oil paint to canvas. It has taken up almost all of her creative time so she has set aside her writing and watercolors for her book for the time being.

Well, I just wanted you to know what was going on with her. The top picture is her first effort and the bottom picture is her second. She is not happy that I am posting her work but I told her that people need to know what she is up to. She can't just take a month off and expect people to not be worried about her. So here is the evidence of her new avocation.

Thanks for stopping by. We value your jaundiced, I mean, artistic eyes!

(Original artwork by Mia Moorhead)

FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING WITH JAZZYCAT CARBON CREDITS

Whereas Al Gore, Sheryl Crow, and other activists have warned that CO2 emissions are causing global warming, hurricanes, breast cancer, and are going to cause flooding of the whole state of Florida.

Whereas we human beings are causing this crisis and should feel very guilty.

Whereas some global warming internet sites warn that we only have about ten years to fix the problem.

Whereas we only have to spend several trillion dollars and ruin our economy to lower the temperature of the earth 0.2 of one degree.

Whereas the predictions of the global cooling and the coming ice age of the 1970’s did not offer any socialistic solutions and the “experts” had to re-load.

Whereas global warming will offer all kinds of opportunities for new taxes such as the proposed carbon tax.Whereas it is estimated that “concerned” Americans will spend billions of dollars purchasing carbon credits.

Whereas trees take evil ole carbon dioxide and turn it into oxygen which takes green-house carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere.

Whereas Jazzycat Farms has several thousand trees……………..

We hereby announce that Jazzycat Farms will remove its acreage from the real estate market for housing development. Instead we will preserve all the carbon dioxide eating trees and offer them for sale as carbon offsets so guilty feeling American liberals can keep on using huge amounts of energy for their homes, autos, and airplanes. You can be just like Al Gore and consume obscene amounts of energy and rest assured that you have covered your carbon foot-print by purchasing your very own tree or trees.

For only $100.00 per each inch of tree diameter, you can purchase your own tree. For only $50.00 per year extra, you can name your tree and receive a photo of your tree every year to document its growth. The bigger it gets the more CO2 it eats. What an uplifting and rewarding feeling it will be to see your tree grow and produce more oxygen. For a one-time fee of $500.00 you can a purchase a lifetime ticket to personally come and visit Jazzycat Farms and hug your tree. If you come to visit your tree in a carbon free manner (walk or ride bike) we will give you all the natural spring bottled water you can drink. While we do not allow idol or creation worship at Jazzycat Farms, we will provide maps to all the missional emergent village churches within 25 miles of Jazzycat Farms.

In an effort to “make a difference,” Jazzycat Farms also plans to use part of the proceeds from the sale of carbon credit offsets to open the Jazzycat Institute for Guilt Free Mental Health. Our Institute will have two courses of study and therapy:

(1) If you are a secular humanist liberal and feel guilty about your prosperity, wealth, injustice caused by your ancestors and you blame everything on America, then our “Help Save the Planet” course will be just right for you. While a complete cure from this condition is unlikely, you can significantly reduce your guilt with courses that will teach you how to be a better activist for causes you probably have never considered.

(2) If you are a professing Christian or a basically conservative thinking person and have bought into the never ending barrage of propaganda from the left-wing news and entertainment media, then our“Truth Through Discernment and Common Sense” course will be right for you. A complete cure is possible and probable from this course.

For more information contact:

Jazzycat Farms, Inc.#1 Sucker Street

Cashcow, MS 39299-$$$$

Tel: 1-800-buytree

Website: jazzygreen.com

(This post was boldly stolen without permission from my good friend at Jazzycat. You can visit him at http://sweetjazzycat.blogspot.com/)

STARBUCKS QUIZ

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Hi Guys.

I see no one is blogging anymore. I feel like I am falling out of touch with you. How are you doing? Anything happening in your lives? I've been really busy putting up a series at Shiloh Guy. I'm also simulposting at Bluecollar which has a link in the sidebar at Shiloh Guy.

I found this Starbucks thing on another blog and tried it. Made me think of all of you and thought it might make an interesting conversation starter.

Have a good day!

(Hey, Dave, how do you know if anyone is still looking at this blog?)

THOUGHTS FROM THE INSIDE

My prayers are for the families and friends of the students and others who were killed or wounded at Virginia Tech University this morning. It is tragic when our kids have to become terrified on their own college campuses. My heart goes out to all of them.

But…

I spent much of this morning watching both Fox News and CNN as they covered the events on the VTU campus in southwestern Virginia. Each new bit of news increased the shock and horror. One wonders what goes on in the head of a person who would do such a thing. I was very sobered.

But…

Then one of the networks flashed to a scene in the House of Representatives as Nancy Pelosi made weighty comments about the campus shootings and then called the House members to stand for a moment of silence. (Of course, one also wonders what good a “moment of silence” will do. Since we’re not allowed to ask for a “moment of prayer” I guess that’s all we have left…silence!) I really don’t mind a moment of silence,

But…

Why doesn’t Nancy Pelosi just put an end to all of this senseless violence, hatred, and killing? Why doesn’t she call on her friends in Syria to come and show us all the better way? Why doesn’t she bring them over here so they can show us the way to peace?

After all, Madame Speaker…

“The road to Damascus is the road to peace!”

I'M CONCERNED!

I’m concerned. At the risk of beating an overheated dead horse, what ARE we going to do about this global warming thing? I’m hearing very few serious suggestions even though our tree-hugging friend up in the Great Northwest has logged in with his newfound left-wing, bleeding heart stuff. My other reader was almost burned out of his home as a result of global warming induced brushfires and he hasn’t made a donation or anything. I’ve tried hard to raise awareness but it seems that my evangelistic gifts are limited to the parish. It’s like putting a frog into a pot of water and turning on the heat! We’re just going to pretend that nothing is wrong while our globe warms and we slowly boil to death.

Or….

I’m getting ready for bed. It’s 26 degrees outside and we have a brand new blanket of snow covering beautiful, suburban Caledonia. I drove through a blinding snowstorm this evening which was worse than anything we had during the winter! The forecast is for freezing temperatures and snow for the next four days up through Easter Sunday. (Let me tell you this…I’m sure glad we don’t have an outdoor sunrise service planned for this year!) Snow in April is not uncommon here in the Mitten State. Maybe that’s the point? Maybe everything is going on just as it usually does? Maybe things aren’t really getting warmer at all? Maybe our Anaheim Hills reader can keep his donations? Maybe our Great Northwesterner can still plan on skiing a little longer? Maybe…

Other totally uninteresting news:

I finished “1776” on Monday, my day off. I really like the way McCullough writes history. Where was he when I was taking history classes at the H of E? I can’t remember reading a work of history when I came to really care about the characters in the story! I’m going to take your advice, Yak, and try and find his other book you recommended.

I was working on my Easter Sunday sermon today. You know what? When you’ve been preaching Easter sermons for as long as I have it sometimes seems like there is no new way to go about it! Don’t get me wrong. The resurrection is still the fulcrum upon which our faith rests. I love preaching the resurrection! But I’ve come to this conclusion and I think it is really important. It’s not about being creative in approaching the resurrection; it’s about the resurrection itself! Just tell the truth and thank God that he’s given me the privilege of telling it another year!

If I don’t see you before Sunday, have a blessed celebration of Christ’s resurrection!

GLOBAL WARMING QUIZ NIGHT

LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING TWO HOUSES AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHICH BELONGS TO AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

HOUSE # 1 A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt" either. It's in the South.

HOUSE # 2: Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps which draw ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. Thecollected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE # 1 (20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and filmmaker) Al Gore.

HOUSE # 2 (model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. Also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

MY NAME IS MUD

They tried to warn me that if I wasn't careful my name would be mud. Now, I see, it has come to pass.

HEALING THE EARTH?

Just in case...

It hit 75 degrees here in lovely, suburban Caledonia yesterday. I took out all the storm windows and put up the screens without hurting myself one little bit. Got the whole house fan going and there was a comfortable breeze scented with Spring wafting through the old Wooden House. I walked around in shorts all day and in my spare time read "1776" by David McCullough.

(If you haven't McCullough you should! I am very impressed with the way he writes history. This is my first book by him and I'm loving it!)

Anne of the House asked me if I wanted to barbeque burgers and pork chops for dinner. What a delightful idea! I found the charcoal out in the shed. (I didn't have to pull out the Weber grill because we leave it out all winter just in case.) I got my utensils ready, lit the fire, spread the Kingsford and began grilling.

As I sat out on the back stoop enjoying the warm evening I had a creeping chill run up my spine. What if the Religious Witness for the Earth people are right? I mean, I know that all creation is groaning waiting for the revelation of the sons of God. But what if, by some weird chance, they are right? What to do?

I decided to try and lay hands on the earth. You know, just in case. But what kind of prayer does one pray for the spiritual healing of the earth? I'm not sure I ever learned that at the Harvard of Evangelicalism or in seminary. I puzzled as I crouched in my backyard with my hands on the moist ground. Pretty soon the neighbors were sneaking peeks at me and I began to feel self-conscious. My dogs started sniffing around me, wondering why I was squatting in their bathroom. Still nothing came to mind. It was becoming awkward.

So, just like we used to do when we got caught praying over a meal at The Big Banjo, I pretended I was looking for something in the grass, shook my head disappointedly, and stood up to check the burgers.

I just hope Al Gore doesn't find out I chickened out. Then he'll be able to blame George Bush and that Shiloh Guy in Michigan.

Sorry, you guys.

THIS IS A RECORDING...

Hi, I'm Molly, the receptionist at Shilohman International. The Shilohman is sorry that he can't keep his appointment with you right now. He is busy trying to resolve some knotty question in Ephesians 5:25-33 for Sunday's sermon. If you would like to leave a brief message including the time of your visit and a number where one of his people can get back to you, Shilohman will give you his compassionate listening ear if time permits. Thank you for understanding.

(Pssssst, don't let him know I told you, but Anne of the House is writing again! Those of us here at Shiloh headquarters think she's better than he is anyway! Check out The Wooden House!)

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

This post will be nothing more than a series of ramblings to keep you up to date on life in the Wooden House located near the west coast of the Mitten State.

At the moment of this writing, we are exactly two hours away from the Vernal Equinox, aka, the arrival of Spring. (Be sure to balance an egg on its end!) Today’s high was 44. It is currently 38 but the sky is cloudless and as blue as you could want. I hope the Yakimaniac notifies Al Gore about the raging heat we are feeling here in lovely, suburban, Caledonia.

Airman John was home for two weeks. He was supposed to help the local Air Force recruiter. Ricky the Recruiter sent him to the mall twice and told him to get him a total of four contacts which Airman John did in a matter of minutes. I can hear the conversation now, “Hey, buddy! Come here a sec. I have to get four names and phone numbers for Ricky the Recruiter and then I can go home. Come on. Gimme a break. You don’t have to listen to him. Just let him call.” We put Airman John on the bus for Florida yesterday morning which is supposed to be home for him for the next two years. I think maybe we should start planning a trip for January, 2008. (Unless global warming puts Florida under water by that time.)

Mark the Worship Guy has fallen in love. His beloved lives up in Minnesota, north of the Cities. He’s moving up there tomorrow so Anne of the House and I went to lunch with the two of them today. It was almost too much for Anne, saying goodbye to two of her kids on consecutive days. (Yes, Mark the Worship Guy was like one of our kids.) Minnesota, huh? I tried to encourage him by telling him that, thanks to global warming, it was soon to be an ocean-front retirement area.

I see YB of the SC is hoping the Anaheim Hills become the source for a reemergence of surf and car music. That would make the Matterhorn the new Catalina Island, I think. YB, if you can just keep your whole neighborhood from burning down in the Santa Ana windblown fires you may be in luck!

Son #2, Caleb, is thinking about heading out to Lake Tahoe this summer to live with his big brother who is now running a pizza restaurant out there. Aaron says he can help Caleb get a job fighting the forest fires out west. I think Caleb would be better off preparing to be a Pacific Ocean lifeguard at Tahoe Beach.

Thanks for listening.