STOP! DON'T DO IT YOURSELF!

IN SYMPATHY WITH TOOL-CHALLENGED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

Go ahead. Ask me what I’ve been doing for the last three days. Especially you, Mr. Handyman OG. Go ahead, ask! I’ve been drywalling the basement with Son #2 and Son #3. We started taping and mudding today.

I hate Do It Yourself projects. I really do. First, I don’t know how to do it myself. I was raised in a tool-challenged environment. My dad was a college professor. We had two screwdrivers (slot and Philips), a hand saw (no one ever trusted a Moorhead with a power tool), a pipe wrench, a hammer, and a set of pliers. (I don’t even know how to spell Philips!) If my dad ever had to attempt a DIY project he had to go next door to Mr. Retired Blue-Collar Guy and borrow the tools.

Second, I don’t even know what tools I need. I put up drywall for several months in 1979 when I was between churches so I learned how to nail board onto studs. But they never let me measure or cut the board. Nor did they let me anywhere near the taping gun and mud. I have a Black & Decker battery-powered drill to use to put in the screws, so I can do that. I have a matte knife to cut the board. I have a T-square that belonged to my late wife. (I don’t know what she used it for.) I got on the internet and went to This Old House to see if I needed any more tools. I did.

Let me tell you a little about this job. We moved into this brand new house in July of ’02. We couldn’t afford to finish the basement even though we had two bedrooms put in there for Sons #2, #3, and #4. I offhandedly said to my lovely wife, “Oh, don’t worry Honey, I’ll do it with the boys someday soon.” (I was unemployed at the time.) “Someday soon” arrived on Monday! There is a 14 foot hip wall of solid concrete that I had to figure out what to do with. One of the guys at church told me to use a “ram set” (?) and attach two by fours to the wall and then just put on the drywall. I said, “Oh, of course! Why didn’t I think of that!)

Caledonia Rent All has everything. “Hello, do you have one of those tool thingies that drives nails into concrete?” “You mean a ram set?” “Of course I mean a ram set! What else would I be talking about?” Rented the ramset this morning for $15 (including shells and ammo).

Third, something always goes wrong and the three day job takes three months. Son #2 was using the ram set. He worked construction last summer so he was elected to risk his life with the ram set. He finished up in plenty of time and Son #3 returned the ram set to Caledonia Rent All. I went over to look at the job Son #2 did and found most of the nails were sticking out about one eighth of an inch! “Caledonia Rent All? Do you have one of those tool thingies that cuts the heads off of nails that the thingy that drives nails into concrete…?” “Mr. Moorhead?” “No, why do you ask?” “Mr. Moorhead, you need a grinder.” “OK. Son #3 will be right there.” Five more bucks for the grinder.

Then my Black & Decker (Am I spelling that right? Why didn’t I get a DeWalt?) battery charger stopped charging. I still have a bunch of corner bead to put up. Off to Lowe’s for a new charger and or battery tomorrow morning.

Too many trips to Lowe’s. More putty knives. More mud trays. Another rotating head drywall sander on a pole. I hate this! My back hurts. My fingers hurt. Everything hurts! My lovely wife is so encouraging. “You’re doing such a great job! It looks like a real room now! It seems so much bigger! The joy is in the accomplishment!” She’s so good. But this is why I went to college. I didn’t want to have to do this!

Thanks for listening. You guys are all great!