BORN AGAIN MOTHERS
I received rather a shock today. My beloved mother emailed and informed me that my SYS directed her to The Shilohman blogsite. It seems I am discovered. OK, since we've talked a little about self-disclosure, I guess it's time. I love my mom. She really is great. I don't know any other mom I would rather have. (That may not have been the case in Jr. High but what did I know then?) I want to tell you about Mom. There was a book published in 1987 entitled "Growing Up Born Again" by Patricia Klein. My SYS and NSYS and I have discovered that it has more truth in it than any book other than the Bible. (However, we can quote more GUBA than we can the Bible, I fear!) Klein perfectly describes my family and upbringing and I suspect the Smoking Christian's family bears a strong resemblance.
May I share a few short quotes? (Legal department...am I ok here?) "Born again mothers look like mothers--not like older sisters. And they only wear makeup when they go to church or to a missionary banquet...She wears clip earrings--never danglies or pierced--and a choker to match...The only jewelry on her hands is her wristwatch and her wedding rings. She wears no nail polish, of course."
"Mrs. Gordon down the street is not at all like your mother. She doesn't blot her lipstick. She puts it on thick, like the movie stars in the fifty-cent picture frames at Woolworths...She's very thin and wears slacks. She leaves lip prints on her cigarettes (she smokes!) and she does not act or look like your mother at all!"
IF YOU WANT TO BREAK A BA MOTHER'S HEART...
1. become charismatic
2. convert to something else
3. marry a Catholic, Jew, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, or charismatic
4. include a champagne toast in your wedding reception
5. tell her you are considering having your baby baptized
6. forget to hide the liqueur in the bedroom before she comes over
7. admit you can't remember the books of the Bible in order
(Again, thanks to Patricia Klein in "Growing Up Born Again." Maybe if I mention her twice I won't get in trouble!)
These don't all apply to Mom. I don't ever remember a choker.
You'll guys are great! Thanks for stopping by!
May I share a few short quotes? (Legal department...am I ok here?) "Born again mothers look like mothers--not like older sisters. And they only wear makeup when they go to church or to a missionary banquet...She wears clip earrings--never danglies or pierced--and a choker to match...The only jewelry on her hands is her wristwatch and her wedding rings. She wears no nail polish, of course."
"Mrs. Gordon down the street is not at all like your mother. She doesn't blot her lipstick. She puts it on thick, like the movie stars in the fifty-cent picture frames at Woolworths...She's very thin and wears slacks. She leaves lip prints on her cigarettes (she smokes!) and she does not act or look like your mother at all!"
IF YOU WANT TO BREAK A BA MOTHER'S HEART...
1. become charismatic
2. convert to something else
3. marry a Catholic, Jew, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, or charismatic
4. include a champagne toast in your wedding reception
5. tell her you are considering having your baby baptized
6. forget to hide the liqueur in the bedroom before she comes over
7. admit you can't remember the books of the Bible in order
(Again, thanks to Patricia Klein in "Growing Up Born Again." Maybe if I mention her twice I won't get in trouble!)
These don't all apply to Mom. I don't ever remember a choker.
You'll guys are great! Thanks for stopping by!
7 Comments:
Wow, I had no idea. The SC is guilty of all but, 1 and 2. (Tho the SC probably thinks of himself as a charismatic person, and he did purchase Shambala, which he did not read bc he doesn't read.)
I had my "babies" baptized this fall, and they made their statement of faith. Alas, they are proud Presbyterians. My intent was to baptize them as infants, I just didn't like our church at the time.
Why do GUBA parents object to Presbyterians?
WoSC
Very good, very funny! I have to get this book. Wait, my Born Again Mom was Presbyterian. Yikes! We were all Presbyterian!
Now my bride is laughing as she reads over my shoulder. Her BA (Baptist) Mom smoked!
We're going to have to sort this out.
Mr. Yak
Dear WoSC,
I was afraid to open this subject but it was in the interest of partial self-disclosure with my mom preparing to read Shilohman. You know the drill, be open about some of the truth and maybe you won't have to tell all!
I am wracking my brain trying to remember all the bad things about Presbyterians. It's hard because I'm a closet Presby. (More on that later.) I think it was because they didn't have all the extra-biblical rules we had. The kids went to dances; you know, where you get pregnant. The dads drank beer. Smoking wasn't a sin for them. In brief, they just wouldn't live by our rules!
Watch for more on the subject.
You seem like a great woman; a fantastic wife and awesome mom. Maybe you should write "Growing Up Presby," (GUP). We could call you Guppies while we're GUBAs.
I personally am a little "va klempt" after reading this post. I didn't realize until now that I grew up in a dysfunctional GUBA household. Although I distinctly remember my sweet mother explaining to our Senior Pastor in her southern-drawl that she couldn't make it to Prayer Meetings on Wednesday evenings because "The Beverly Hillbillies" was on at the very same time.
I am relieved and delighted to find that this book (used) is still available on Amazon.com for $1.98. I will be placing my order today. I can't wait to read the chapter entitled, "Why Women Cannot Be Ushers".
Mrs. Yak
Thank-you Shilohman,
Actually I was an enigma at my Palisades church, bc I was one of the few GUPpies, love that term! Even our pastors switched denominations to be Presbys. They would marvel, that I was born, raised and still was Presbyterian.
I grew up in Houston where being a Presbyterian was highly suspect. If you weren't Baptist, the least you could do was be a Methodist. We had a happy church, though. Small, and loving. I guess that is why I'll always be uncomfortable if the congregation is bigger than 500 members.
I thought our biggest differences were in the government of the church. And in the case of the churches I've joined, woman are equal in that government. I can't speak for all Presbys, bc I know that old-fashionedness still lingers in places.
Describe being a closeted Presbyterian, maybe I can help you come out. :)
WoSC
I have 2 copies, one for lending one never to leave my house.Now you will understand why I used the term GUBA in my previous ravings. The illustrations in this book are crazy funny. My darling husband grew up Episcopalian. He is constantly amazed as I get my non GUBA High School daughters ready for Homecoming dances, Proms,and basically any dance that comes along. I get so into shopping on E-Bay for these events. My youngest goes to a different school than her boyfriend
so double the fun. I have to remind him, even though we went to high school together, that we were not allowed to participate in the rites of passage. My daughters can't believe it.At As an adult I never miss an opportunity to dance. I been known to bribe the band or DJ for another set. They never take the money, I guess I should take the hint and confine my cha-cha to my home.I send these dancing daughters off to the ball, and enjoy a relaxed night with my non denominational cigar SC husband.
SYS
P.S. Now, more importantly who has my lending copy of GUBA?
Dear WoSC No doubt Shilohman will continue to explain this in Part II of "Closet" I'm quite certain he will enlighten what most Baptists believe about pre-destination, and how they feel about Presbyterian's. I'm awaiting his take on this.
SYS
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