SOMEONE'S DNA IS LACROSSED!

MAMAS, DON’T LET YOUR SONS GROW UP TO BE LACROSSE PLAYERS

So by now you’ve all heard about the case of the Duke University lacrosse team and the alleged rape of an exotic dancer who entertained at one of their parties. (Notice my use of the word “alleged” just in case any of our readers might be an attorney. I wouldn’t want to offend.) Now, what should we think about this case?

The defense attorneys for the lads complains, “The lacrosse team has been portrayed as a swaggering, elitist clique, prone to loutish, frat boy behavior.” Does that surprise any of you? Kind of reminds me of the women’s field hockey team at alma mater, doesn’t it? Or the men’s swim team? Isn’t lacrosse generally a rich boys’ sport? Aren’t they usually an elitist clique? And isn’t loutish, frat boy behavior characteristic of a high percentage of college boys anyway? Quit complaining, Mr. Defense Attorney. I expect that criticism is both accurate and irrelevant.

And what about the trace evidence that was gathered from the rape kits? It didn’t match any of the guys. Don’t worry, says the prosecutor, I don’t need DNA evidence to make a case. Of course you don’t. But you will have to explain where the DNA “deposits” came from if they didn’t come from the loutish, frat boys. I doubt the defense team will miss that point.

Then there is the exotic dancer. The feminists are saying that just because a woman is a stripper, she isn’t asking to be raped. That’s a good point. We should ask her pastor about her character. Or wasn’t that her pastor at the protest outside the house? If he isn’t her pastor, could someone tell me what Bishop John Bennett was doing there? Since he is a man of God I imagine he was trying to calm the racial tension in the community. Just like Rev. Al Sharpton used to do all the time.

Here’s one of my favorites. I’m hearing people say that if the tables were turned and this was a white lap dancer at a black athletes’ party the whole team would be in jail by now. It’s a sign of racism that rich white boys can get off scot free with this kind of thing. Are you sure you want to play that card? Does anyone remember O.J. Simpson?

I love this. There was a rally on the campus of North Carolina Central University. That is the school where the exotic dancer is a student. It was a show of support for their fellow coed. I saw this picture of all these students standing around with lighted candles. Can you tell me what the candles are all about? It seems like every time something happens there are all these people with candles. If someone was looking for a source of income I would suggest that he fill his trunk with hundreds, no thousands, of those ten cent candles and quickly head off to the next tragedy. I think you could make a fortune!

It’s never a good sign when I get cynical like this. It shows a lack of caring and concern for the hurting and I’m ashamed of myself. I hate it when I get like this.

Can’t we all just get along?